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Posted on December 13, 2012

Empty threats

threatsEver try to get your kids in line by counting to 3 – yet you have no idea what will happen if they still don’t behave? Or threaten to cancel a playdate when you know you never will? I swore I’d never do this, but I occasionally fall into the trap. These empty threats reveal that I’m full of shit. But sometimes I’m so desperate; they fall ...

Posted on December 07, 2012

Reality Bites

toothNo wonder why my kid is trying to yank her tooth out with what appears to be a wrench. Her friend just got 20 bucks for hers! I swear, I wish my daughter had this much perseverance and motivation when working on addition and subtraction. I think it’s time to intervene and tell her that the Tooth Fairy assigned to our street only gives 25 cents. Okay, maybe $1 ...
Posted on December 05, 2012

On the sidelines

BALLSWEDWhen my daughter was younger, every Saturday morning we’d take her  to a class at Gymboree. For those of you not familiar with this venue, it is a play gym with organized physical activities for kids of different ages. In other words, some genius thought of putting some cushy play pieces and mats in an empty warehouse and making a fortune. In any case, it was a better way ...

Posted on November 21, 2012

I never knew I was such a loser...

momsfriendsuntil I became a new mom in a new town. Now my kids are 3 and 6-years-old, but I still have scars from doing the whole "new mom" thing. When I was single and living in the city, I dreamt about the day I would meet the man of my dreams, become a mom, and do all of those cute mommy & me classes. In this delusional fantasy, I was constantly ...

Posted on October 25, 2012

The cover-up.

sassyI’m going to say it…. why as moms, do we tend to sugarcoat everything? For example, you may hear: “He just needs a nap.” What she really means is: “He’s being an a-hole, but I refuse to blame him.” Or someone asks you: “Is your kid potty trained?” Translated, that means: “Mine is, and I want to show off.” Or my personal favorite: “She’s just being sassy ...
Posted on October 22, 2012

When can I tell your kid to shut the F up?

shut f upWe’ve all been there. Some snotty little bastard is terrorizing your kid and the mom is totally oblivious. And what if that mom is your good friend? Neighbor? Or even your sister, for that matter?

Let’s face it, whether you know that mom or not, you have a situation on your hands. One of the many you’d never anticipated when you dreamt of the fabulous mommy life ...

Posted on October 18, 2012

Attack of the birthday invites…

bday inviteEvites come at you like grenades. Times conflict, making your head spin. And you realize you have one more gift to buy after you just left the store. Yes, it’s birthday party time – and for me, they’re not a piece of cake. Call me a party pooper, but these parties are getting in the way of what little time I have.  Unless it’s a drop-off party, that ...

Posted on October 08, 2012

Coming clean…

clean houseBeing a mom has put a spotlight on all of my inadequacies – though one glaringly stands out. That is, the fact that I am far from a domestic goddess. Now that I’m playing house for real, it’s clear that I’m not all that good at it.  And it makes me wonder: in school, why did I stress about Statistics and want to explode at the thought of ...

Posted on October 05, 2012

“Takeover” or “Playdate” grandparents?

family dynamicAre you lucky enough to have parents (or in-laws) who are hands-on with your kids, giving you a much needed and well-deserved break? You know, the type who swoop in and let you hightail it out of there. I call them the “Takeover” grandparents. Or do you have the type who visit your kids and watch you do all the work while they sit back and enjoy their precious “dividends ...

Posted on October 04, 2012

I’m playing with my kids, and I’m so F’ing bored.

BoredI’m agonizingly waiting for my kid to take his turn in Candyland. And it’s anything but sweet. After all, there’s a million other things I can be doing that would be less irritating – like getting waxed. And it makes me wonder: can you be an involved, warm, and nurturing mother who just doesn’t like to play?

For me, sitting through a simple game of Hungry Hippos ...