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I convince myself it’s okay to badmouth my kid when I say, 
“I love her to death, but…”

Confession #10: I know they say “mother knows best” but I’m f’ing clueless.

Every time my kid does something off, I worry that it’s because of the 1 diet soda I drank during pregnancy.

Sometimes my threats to my kids are so empty, I don’t even believe them.

Confession #44: I secretly blame all of my kid's shortcomings on my husband's side of the family.

I’ve mock moms who have a nanny and don’t work – when secretly I’m jealous.

Confession #34: My kids think the microwave is our oven.

Confession #668: I send my husband to the birthday parties where I think the moms are bitches.

Confession #23: I play songs on the car radio that I know my kids shouldn’t be hearing.

Confession #3: I did my kid’s homework last night. And I’m still nervous whether it’s right.

Confession #32: I love it when I'm in a public place, and the kid screaming isn't mine.

Confession #983: Sometimes I purposely don’t take pictures of my kids because I know I won’t make an album.

 I jump on bringing paper plates to the class party to avoid cutting up fruit.

Confession #8

I skip pages in my kids’ books to make bedtime to go faster.

Confession #100: I’m dreading third-grade homework.

I bring my kid to daycare with a dirty diaper – and act surprised.

Confession #2
I’ve lost my toddler in my own house.

I’m overjoyed that “girls night” is smack during my kids’ bedtime routine.

I secretly like when my kid’s crying helps me off the phone with my mother-in-law.

I often skip bath night.

I put my kids in daycare – even when I’m off.

I throw out my kids’ artwork.

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