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I’ll be celebrating Independence Day from 1:00-2:30. Naptime.

This Father's Day, do whatever your heart desires. Like usual.

In honor of Father’s Day, I’ll finally put out... Dinner.

This Father's Day coupon entitles you to one back massage - that will last for more than 3 minutes.

This Father’s Day coupon entitles you to 1 “quickie” during their naptime.

This Father’s Day coupon entitles you to 1 full hour of me not talking.

Long weekend before kids: Woo-hoo! Long weekend with kids: Uh-oh!

Mom, this Mother’s Day can we forget our issues
 and resume them in an aggravating phone call on Monday?

Sweetie, If you're going to get me another massage gift certificate for Mother's Day, 
can you also give me the time to use it before it expires?

Honey, This Mother’s Day, I'd like the gift of relaxation.
 Let’s switch places.


Mom, This Mother's Day can you please refrain from touting the benefits of Weight Watchers while I’m eating.

Hon, This Mother's Day, can my gift be not hosting Mother's Day for your mother?

I wish I was the one crawling today.
 On a Pub Crawl.

The genius who came up with Daylight Saving Time
 clearly didn’t have kids.

This President's Day: Let's honor our forefathers with a sale on designer handbags.

Yep, today is a Hallmark holiday.
Consider my birthday a Tiffany one.

I slaved over 30 Valentine’s Day cards for our kid’s class.

You can buy me one.

This Valentine’s Day,
make sure diapers aren’t the only mushy things I get.

This Valentine’s Day
Let’s enjoy inviting another person into our bed.
Since our kid won't leave.

This Valentine's Day, get ready for kisses, moans and bodily fluids.
You're taking the kids.

 
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