MommyUnplugged - "Like" us here!

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 How do I fit in weekly manicures, yet I can't make time for my yearly mammogram?

If your house is always this clean, we can’t be friends.

Ever have that heart-sinking moment after you yell at your kid and realize she was right?

Déjà vu. Describes my kid’s dinner.

I love how we can both drop off the face of the earth and then just text each other where we left off.

I’m about to become one of those moms. I’m considering a kid leash.

Am I the only one who aspires to reach "MILF" status?

I’m having separation anxiety. Trying to pry my kids apart.

No I'm not breastfeeding. But thanks for sharing your opinion on the matter.

Am I the only one who thought I'd be a mom like Carol Brady yet turned out to be more like Roseanne?

I’m sorry for all the judgment I passed before I had kids. Karma’s a “little bitch.”

For the love of G-d, I pray my kid doesn’t bring home the class Guinea Pig.

We’re a bunch of smart, savvy women. So why can’t any of us figure out the tip?


At what point are we close enough that I can tell your kid to shut the f up?

It sucks taking orders from my kids.

I’m being held hostage by a sicko. My kid has a 102° fever.

Am I the only one who runs into Target for a toothbrush and leaves spending $500?

Yes, my kid is wearing a Batman costume in Shop Rite. I pick my battles.

Despite the fact you walked in on World War III – I swear, they had a good play date.

Pinterest is mocking me with a twice-baked goat cheese soufflé 
as I’m microwaving my kids’ mac n cheese.

I know we’re good friends because I can pee while talking on the phone with you.

I’m living vicariously through my daughter.

I got her the Barbie Dream House.

I pray my daughter is this hard to get into bed when she's 18.

I can’t help but brag.
My kid didn’t bite anyone today.

I’d sooner let you share my husband than my babysitter.

My husband is talking dirty to me – and all I can think of is attacking those dirty dishes.

I know you’re a good friend because…
We hang out even though are kids aren’t the same age.

Nobody told me that making new mommy friends are the real labor pains.

Is it wrong…
that I find Anthony from the Wiggles kind of hot?

I punished my kids with “no TV”
And gave myself a death sentence.

 
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